An addict’s view of “the life”

The Attraction

        If we’re addicted to heroin, we’ve been living in a narrow world, a world that involves only coping and using.  We’ve shut out almost everything and everyone and thought only about scoring the drug.

Many heroin users become just as addicted to the lifestyle as to the drug itself.  We’re drawn to all the rituals involved, to the excitement and the danger.  It’s “so cool” to use.  Many of us like living on the edge, hanging out on the streets.  We thrive on the challenge of “going shopping” for a fix and on the pleasure of finding the best dope.  And the needle—some of us have come to love it too.  Some of us are proud that we’ve used the drug that others were afraid to do.  (now in recent times, this facet of the drug use has disappeared due to such purity the drug is now being manufactured)

Using heroin often forces us to lead a dangerous lifestyle.  We break the law just by using, and many of us turn to theft, prostitution and other crimes to support our habit.  Almost everyone who’s used has seen friends die from the drug or the lifestyle.

How Heroin Works

          We already know what heroin delivers: Freedom from pain and anxiety.  A wonderful sense of well being--at least for a while.  Heroin creates these feelings by imitating certain chemicals that our bodies naturally produce.  These chemicals include endorphins and enkephalins.  They block pain and bring pleasure.  Our bodies produce endorphins and enkephalins when we laugh, have sex, exercise, do work we like, or fall in love.  The high is free and natural.  We don’t have to buy it, and there aren’t any side effects from it.

          Heroin works in the brain and body much like these naturally occurring chemicals.  But when we’re on heroin, our bodies learn not to produce endorphins and enkephalins on their own.  They don’t need to.  When we stop using heroin, we take away our only supply of these “feel-good” chemicals, and everything becomes uncomfortable.

The Addiction

          Most drugs—marijuana, alcohol, and cocaine, for example—eventually stop delivering the high the addict wants and needs.  In this sense, heroin is different.  While we can build some tolerance to heroin, it will continue to deaden the emotional and physical pain.

          Heroin’s powerful effects and the risky lifestyle that goes with it do make this a particularly dangerous form of addiction.  But we suffer from the same disease as the alcoholic—the disease of chemical dependency—and can be treated by the same methods.

          We may think no one could understand what we’ve been through or that heroin addiction is so different that we don’t have anything in common with people addicted to other drugs.  Don’t be fooled.  That’s just “junkie pride” talking.

Addiction is the same no matter what drug we use.  If we pay attention, we’ll notice how much we have in common with other recovering addicts—and we’ll be able to get help and support from them.

We Can Recover

        A lie that many of us tell ourselves is one that one recovering addict told herself too:  “For years I knew I was a drug addict—by my definition at the time.  I kept saying to myself, I’m the only person I’m hurting, and I can stop whenever I want.  I just don’t want to.  That’s the big lie.  Deep down I knew I couldn’t stop and I didn’t think there was any way out.  But I was wrong; I’m living proof that recovery is possible.  I was a pretty rebellious person, and I used that attitude to get clean.  The last time I got into treatment, I said to myself, damn it, I’ll show you I can get clean, and I did.  There is a way to get out of the spot you’re in!”

          For many addicts, junkie pride masks strong feelings of hopelessness and shame.  The hopelessness, especially in early treatment, says, “This is really hard and it’s never going to work anyway, so I might as well just go back to using”

          We need to watch out for this kind of thinking, because it can lead us into sabotaging any treatment.  If we find ourselves thinking like this, talk with a counselor or another recovering addict.  They’ve been there, they can help.

          Please see the “Programs” page on this site for information of the many programs for treatment and assistance.